Answering your questions. Ep. 1
First substack Q&A. You asked, I answered.
Sorry for the delay on this one, Substack was down for part of the day!
I answered your questions down below, more of these to come. Let me know in the comments what you think!
What are some accounts for femininerevival:
@AlyssaMustaine
@isa_ryan (She also has a substack
)
Do you think Andrew Tate is a good example for men?
@Noura_Ashley
I think that Andrew Tate speaks some hard truths that the world has forgotten in its pursuit of equality and wokeness. I occasionally hear him say something that is spot on, and he speaks with a lot of charisma, passion and authority. There are very few masculine role models and he is filling a void in the hearts and minds of many modern men. Ultimately though his message seems to be inspiring men to nothing higher than getting laid, getting paid, and getting six pack abs. Machismo masculinity is missing in modern men and has some value in it, but if it is the highest virtue men are being called to aspire towards, we are in big trouble.
Where is the balance in spending time with your wife and creating the abundant life outside of the 9-5 for thriving in the future?
@Mr.Reid.West
Every man has to find that balance for himself. Men that focus too heavily on the provider role to the detriment of being present in the home, tend to regret it. Being at home all the time while struggling to provide is also not a good thing.
I am a huge proponent of men finding ways to leverage the internet to earn a living. With access to a global audience, infinite scalability, complete control over your time, energy and earning potential, and the ability to build a business around virtually anything, an online/at home business has the ability to enable a family to live a traditional life.
Personally I work from home and my wife supports me in my business, so I get to both spend time with her and build towards a thriving future simultaneously. This was my ideal and vision before I met her. I encourage men to strive toward their own vision for cultivating a healthy work/home life balance.
Questions to ask her when you are dating with intention?
@Tdog1876
First of all, I believe that early on is the best time to ask the big questions. Otherwise you have no idea if the woman is worth your continued investment. Before you know what questions to ask, you need to think about your values and what your vision for a marriage is. I knew that I wanted my future wife to be stay at home. I knew I wanted to homeschool. I knew that I wanted her to be unvaccinated. I knew that I wanted her to have skills, talents and abilities that would be useful to not only me but our future children. For some men, that doesn’t matter as much as her being emotionally stable and mature. Your values and your vision should determine your line of questioning.
Real men don’t fall in love, change my mind:
@Ruthles_Mindset14
I’m not going to change your mind because I agree with you. A man can absolutely fall in love with the wrong woman, and men should be careful not to put themselves into situations where this can happen.
I love Voddie Bauchams quote on love:
“Love is an act of the will, accompanied by emotion that leads to action on behalf of its object.”
In courtship, emotion should follow a rational thought process that concludes the person you are with is worthy of your love and devotion. Too many people start with the emotion, then try to figure out if it will work. Not a good strategy.
Here’s a post I did on the topic:
Advice on how to recover/move on from a fight with spouse. Struggling to get closure on an argument/resolve it fully heal and restart/get back online.
My advice is to take ownership for what is yours. Be willing and able to put your hand up and admit to a mistake, apologize if necessary, and make a commitment around what moving forward looks like.
Conflict, issues and disagreements should be resolved as quickly as possible so as to not open the door to resentment, bitterness and hostility. I’m a big proponent of ‘staying in the room’ until things are worked out and resolved. In order to do this, egos have to be put aside. Attachment to being right instead of a commitment to what is true causes problems. Tackle the problem together rather than trying to tackle each other.
If you feel attacked or judged, can you breathe, stay present and listen for the truth rather than getting caught up in the delivery?
Try my marriage check in once a week at the same day/time. Start to be proactive about talking things through and making sure that the two of you are on the same page.
And when it comes to laying down egos, take a look at this video I saw the other day for a laugh, and a potentially effective strategy if you are up for it!
What advice do you give women on ways that they can help their man to be more assertive or “take charge” and repair damages that these women unintentionally did.
My encouragement to women always starts with getting behind the man, supporting him, believing in him, encouraging him, and most importantly to remain committed to learning him. This is a lifelong process! What does he respond well to? What does he respond poorly to? What does he find helpful and supportive? What does he find irritating or not useful?
Positive feminine energy is supportive and uplifting. A woman should also have the ability to speak harder truths when necessary.
What are your thoughts on betrothal and arranged marriages?
@timot
From what I understand, arranged marriages have the lowest divorce rates, and highest probability of staying together for life. It makes sense because two families come together and put their full blessing behind the marriage. Reputations and family ties are all on the line. From the viewpoint that mature love is a decision, an act of the will, a commitment and a daily practice, I think that arranged marriages could absolutely work. Is it the best option? Could families make a poor decision on behalf of the couple? Perhaps.
Something I’ve thought about recently is how we feel that we are owed an exceptional marriage and love-story like romance. There are many amazing couples that have thriving marriages that at different points in time could’ve chosen to give up, divorce etc. but chose to stay together and make it work.
Maybe in an ideal world two strong, christian families coming together and supporting a couple through the marriage process and encouraging them in the direction of marriage would be a good thing. Forcing someone to get married regardless of how they feel about it? Probably not.
Are you open to more dialogue/collaborations with Muslim men who follow true masculinity come 2023 or are you narrowing solely on Christianity?
I do see that muslims share strong family and traditional values much like christians do. I have a lot of muslim followers. That being said, my content will continue to be geared towards the Christian way of life, and masculinity from a biblical perspective. Hopefully you can continue to take value and benefit from the content, despite differences in faith. I think a lot of the information shared will be applicable regardless of faith.
Appreciate you being here Shiva, and hope you will stick around for 2023!
What is your favourite movie?
I watch almost no movies, but if I had to chose I’d probably go with either the Lord of the Rings trilogy, or the Hobbit trilogy!
How do you recommend starting a conversation about masculinity/femininity with someone you care about who doesn’t share the same perspective?
I have had both friends and family members very upset with me because of my views. I don’t push my views on anyone and I share if I’m asked about it. I also don’t hide it. If you feel like someone is open minded enough to hear you out, share about it with confidence and energy. You’re in one of the MR men’s groups, bring some men’s group energy in terms of how you communicate. If it goes sideways or you make a mistake, just take ownership for it. The people that are truly with you will be gracious, others will remove themselves from your life and probably shouldn’t be there in the first place.
How do I start the conversations with family members, friends and my wife about this journey and how they might notice significant changes on my outlook on things.
The best way to convince other people of anything in my opinion, is to live it and let the fruit that your life produces speak for itself. I was not that long ago - a single dude living in a basement suite with a friend of mine. We would have long talks about what it would take to find a traditionally minded woman, building a family, getting married etc. Lots of people didn’t like my vision. I didn’t care. I’m living it now and the fruit speaks for itself. If someone truly loves you and cares for you, they will support you. If they don’t, what did you really lose?
How can I increase my earnings as a provider in a field that isn’t known for being particularly lucrative?
Take it online! There is infinite earning potential online. You can teach to a global audience and have full control over your income and schedule. Furthermore, there is a huge rise in the number of families pursuing homeschooling. If you position yourself wisely, you could build a thriving business in education. Look into the homeschooling niche and figure out how you could set something up virtually. Take a look on social media to find people that are already successfully monetizing education based businesses online. Could be a side hustle or become a full time deal for you if you put the work in!
What do women really want from a man?
My wife says she just wants chocolate and back rubs…
In all seriousness, I think it’s important to keep it simple. What I help men with as a starting point in coaching sessions is figuring out who they are, what they want, and where they are going in life. If you have that down, you can call that having a sense of ‘masculine frame’. Providing a sense of stability, security and safety are also big.
My encouragement to you is to stop worrying about what women want, and start focusing on what YOU want; both in your life, and in a woman. Ironically, women want men who know the answer to those questions. The right woman will follow your lead if you know those answers. Own who you are, and know who you are not. Don’t try to become someone for her.
When you know what you want in a relationship, you give her the ability to choose if she wants to come with you. That’s your foundation.
How to be in your feminine energy when in the early stages of dating and getting to know someone?
@ Brittney
If a man is dating with the intent to marry, he will be looking at your personality, your energy and your character. He will be thinking, “could I see this woman being the mother of my children?” or, “would this woman make a good wife for me?”
Feminine energy is all about being. The work for you is on growing in your womanhood and having something worthwhile to offer your future husband. If you’ve done that, he is going to invest in you and eventually will want to claim you as his wife.
When I met my wife she didn’t really ‘do’ anything to win me over. We spent time together and as I got to know her I was drawn in by who she was and how much she had to offer.
How do you have a conversation early on about masculine/feminine dynamics?
Early on, you should be quietly assessing, is this man leading in his own life? Does he have leadership qualities? Lots of men aren’t able to articulate what they know about masculine and feminine dynamics, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t ‘get’ what it means to be a man in relationship to a woman. “How do I get my man to lead” is a question a wife can ask if her husband is absent in leadership, but if you are already asking that in dating, I’d consider it a red flag. Judge by his actions, or lack thereof.
As this is the last post before Christmas, I am wishing you all a Merry Christmas from my family to yours.
If you missed this round of questions, be sure to download the substack app so you don’t miss the next one!
Great stuff my man, appreciate the time you put into your answers. Merry Christmas 🙏🏾.
Merry Christmas Brendan! Thanks for the answers!
(LOTR is the best set of films ever made so you don’t have to watch anything else HAHA)