The Standard | 02 Raising The Bar
She Doesn’t Want To Hold The Bar For You…
About The Standard
This series delivers straight, actionable teaching on masculinity, leadership, marriage, fatherhood, faith, and family. No fluff. No noise. Just the hard truths and time-tested principles you need to build a better life.
It’s for men who are done drifting, women who want to see their men rise, and couples who refuse to settle.
Forging stronger men, marriages, and families by helping men reconnect to the standard they are meant to uphold for themselves.
Published every Thursday.
She Doesn’t Want To Hold The Bar For You…
Speaking of The Standard, this is where we begin. Because the truth is, most men today are living without one.
It is of vital importance that a man holds a high standard in his life. Not just when it’s convenient. Not just when someone is watching. But as a rule. As a non-negotiable. As the baseline for who he is and how he shows up.
Too often, the standard slips. A man drifts. He starts going through the motions: wake up, go to work, get home, crash on the couch. Maybe he’s “doing his part,” but he’s not fully present. He’s checked out. Coasting. Half-engaged with his wife. Distracted with his kids. Maybe he’s getting some things done, but is disconnected from why he’s actually doing those things in the first place.
And when a man lives like that for too long, the burden quietly shifts to his wife. She starts reminding him of what he should already know. Nudging him to take initiative. Feeling the pressure to carry not just her own weight, but his too. His energy. His leadership. His role.
She ends up doing it all: managing the kids, managing the house, managing him.
And when that happens, polarity dies. Respect erodes. Attraction withers. Trust weakens. The dynamic becomes maternal, not marital. And she’s left wondering: Where did the man I married go?
Here’s the thing, she doesn’t want you to just “do your part” and then coast. You shouldn’t want that either. She wants you to want to show up. To be present. To be engaged. To want her and the life you’re building together.
There’s a remarkable difference between doing something to check a box and doing something because you carry a real conviction and desire to do it. One is duty disconnected from the heart. The other is real leadership.
This is why we begin here. Because holding the standard isn’t just about personal growth. It’s about relational integrity. It’s about marriage, fatherhood, and legacy. It’s about embodying the strength, presence, and spiritual conviction your household depends on, even if they never say it out loud.
When a man reclaims the standard, everything begins to change.
He stops being passive. He begins to lead from the front. He sets the tone—not just with his words, but with his habits, his posture, his presence.
This is the foundation of masculine maturity: living in such a way that others can rely on you.
And it doesn’t require perfection. It requires consistency, repentance, and resolve. You might not hit the mark every day, but you hold the standard anyway. That’s what makes you a man worth following.
This series is called The Standard for a reason. It’s a call back to truth. A call forward to strength. A reminder that if we want stronger marriages, stronger homes, and stronger men, it starts with each man deciding:
I will not lower the bar just because the culture has.
Hold the standard.
Your family needs it.
And the world around you does too.
Start Here: Five Ways To Begin Leading Again
Reset your presence
When you walk through the door, leave your distractions behind. It’s not time to check out, but rather time to check in.
Phone down. Eyes up. Make it your goal to be fully present with your wife and kids for at least 15–30 minutes every evening.
Not out of obligation, but because that’s who you are now.
Adopt an attitude of extreme ownership
Stop blaming circumstances. Stop waiting to feel motivated.
Take responsibility for every area of your life—marriage, fatherhood, faith, habits.
Start with one area today and make a concrete decision:
What needs to change, and what will you do about it?
Address the tension
If there are unspoken resentments in your marriage or leadership, face them.
Ask your wife what she needs from you that she’s not getting.
Don’t argue. Just listen, take mental notes, and then take real action.
This clears the fog so clarity and trust can return.
Rebuild your rhythms
Write down a simple weekly structure for yourself.
Include morning prayer or Scripture, physical exercise, and at least one intentional time each week to invest in your marriage or kids.
Make it sustainable. Start small, stay consistent.
Pro tip: use a habit tracker to make this more manageable and measurable.
What you don’t track, you’ll struggle to change.
Stay consistent, not perfect
You won’t get it all right. But from here forward, no more lukewarm coasting.
Commit to taking steady, meaningful action every day.
What matters is whether you get back in the fight.
Forget perfect. Focus on getting back up faster, owning your missteps, and choosing to stay engaged. That’s what leadership looks like.
So stay committed to the holding the standard. No big deal, but the things that matter most depend on it.
In your corner,
-Brendan
Don’t let this just be a good read. Make it a turning point.
Here’s how we can work together:
→ Join a Brotherhood group
→ Book 1:1 mentorship
→ Start couples coaching