21 Marks Of Authentic Masculinity

What's your score out of 21?

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The 21 Marks of Authentic Masculinity:

This isn’t an exhaustive list, but it will give you a clear snapshot of how you’re currently showing up as a man. It will also show you where you’re falling short.

Mark down how many of these 21 traits you’re actively embodying. Then drop your score in the comments.

And remember, everything on this list gets lived out inside the Brotherhood. We don’t just talk about manhood. We practice it. Week in, week out.

1. He Takes Full Responsibility for His Life
   No more blame. No more excuses. He’s squared up with his past, he’s acknowledged where he has been a victim in his life, but he refuses to live life as one. He doesn’t live in the shadow of the past.
   

2. He Leads His Family with Strength AND Tenderness
   He is the head of his family. Not a tyrant, not a doormat. He is a servant-leader with a spine. He understands that his family needs both his heart and his backbone, not just one or the other.
   

3. He Rejects Passivity and indecisiveness
   He moves toward discomfort, he initiates, and he takes action even when he’s afraid. The fundamental understanding is this, “successful people don’t make the right decisions, they make their decisions right”... Meaning that they own their decisions, and the consequences that come with them. Being able to course correct, make mistakes, and keep moving forward is an essential skill.
   

4. He Refuses To Be Lukewarm
   Lukewarmness is repulsive. Men who are lukewarm in life stand for nothing, so end up falling for everything. Lukewarm men have no ground to stand on, so they just go with the flow. Take a position. Yes or no? Hot or cold? Are you in or are you out? Following a lukewarm man is extremely difficult for a woman, because he’s not really going anywhere. He’s just existing.
   

5. He Practices Sexual Integrity
   No porn, no secrets. He fights for purity and honors his wife (or future wife) with his eyes, mind, and body. He understands that sexual degeneracy is weaponized against the modern man, and he fights against the temptation of lust with diligence and tenacity.
   

6. He Is Emotionally Disciplined
   He feels deeply but isn’t ruled by emotions. He owns his emotional experience, without being owned by it. Again, he rejects extremes. Not overly emotionally indulgent, but not completely cold and cut off from his emotional experience either. This is integration and self-mastery.
   

7. His Yes Means Yes And His No Means No
   He has boundaries. He protects his time, energy, and mission. He’s comfortable saying yes, and he can also confidently say no. This doesn’t mean he’s rigid and totally inflexible. It means he’s connected to his gut instinct and isn’t a chronic people pleaser that disregards his own internal experience just to get along with others.
   

8. He’s Dealt With His Father Wound
   He has directly faced any hurt, pain or anger that his father caused. If he lacked anything from his father, he isn’t caught in blame and finger pointing. He’s forgiven his dad, and he accepts that his father is who his father is. How he choose to relate with his father as an adult is up to him, but he isn’t caught up in boyish fantasies about what his dad should be. His relationship with his father is not a source of angst or upset.
   

9. He Faces His Past and Does the Inner Work
   He’s not running from wounds, shame, or childhood pain. He’s dealt with it, or is in process of doing so. He understands that masculinity is not just a pursuit of externals (getting paid, getting laid, getting six pack abs), it’s also an inside job. Doing the inner-work is an essential trait of authentic masculinity.
   

10. He Lives Under Authority
    He’s not a rogue operator that has no oversight. He has some form of the following: a mentor, a father-figure, a church, trusted elders, and submission to God. If he is to lead well, he also needs to know how to be a student and to be led. If he is to be exemplary, he has to have some sort of example to follow himself.
    

11. He Treats His Wife Like His Wife
    He understands that it can be easy to fall into a rut of treating his wife like his roommate, his sole-confidant, his therapist or his coach. He understands that she wants to feel like his woman, not like his sole emotional support system. He knows when to share, what to share, and how much to share with her without overburdening her.
    

12. He Is Calibrated And Rejects Extremes
    He pursues integrated masculinity. Heart and spine. Gentle and strong. Able to speak up and able to listen well. He walks the royal road, the path between extremes. He’s able to hold opposing perspectives and take truths from them. He understands that things aren’t always strictly black and white. He can think in “both/and” vs. always being stuck in “either/or.”
    

13. He Is Rooted in Discipline
    He keeps a schedule. He understands that to show up at his best, he needs to be disciplined. The antidote to chaos is order, so he strives to bring order to his life so that he can show up at a high level in all of his roles and responsibilities.
    

14. He Is Quick to Repent and Forgive
    He doesn’t cling to offense or ego. He’s teachable and soft toward correction. He can admit his faults, he apologizes quickly and readily, and he has a spirit that seeks reconciliation rather than egoic self-justification.
    

15. He Provides and Protects
    He works hard. He gives his family security, while understanding that protection and provision is more than just financial security… It's spiritual and emotional too.

16. He Stays in the Fire Of Life & Relationship
    When it gets hard, he doesn’t run. He endures. He grows through trial. He has space for conflict and disagreement. He can listen, take ownership of what’s his, admit his faults and shortcomings, and he strives to “stay in relationship” with others rather than hitting the eject button the second things get hard.
    

17. He Builds and Guards Brotherhood
    He surrounds himself with men who sharpen him. He doesn’t tolerate chronic isolation, as he knows that he is at his best with the presence of other good men in his life.
    

18. He Uses His Words to Build
    He speaks life. He blesses his wife, encourages his kids, and is able to say the hard thing when needed.
    

19. He Has A Vision For Himself And His Life
    He’s not aimlessly drifting through life. He has a strong sense of what he’s pursuing and moving towards. His vision spurs on forward movement in his life. He’s not stagnant, he’s actively moving towards something meaningful.
    

20. Fears God, Not Man
    He seeks to please the Lord, not get likes, approval, or validation from the crowd. The opinions and perspectives of a few people that are close to him carry real weight. But he doesn’t live consumed by what others think of him. He understands it’s good to be receptive to feedback, without being consumed by it.
    

21. He Has Masculine Frame
    He knows who he is, what he wants and where he is going. This gives him clear ground to stand on. It makes him trustworthy and allows him to show up in life in a clear way. Because he has frame, she feels safe to follow him.

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So, how many out of 21 did you get? Leave a comment and let me know.

And if you want help turning these traits from ideas into daily implementation, go here:
👉 masculinerevival.com

This is where we do the work, together. Not just talking about manhood, but actually living it.

In your corner,

Brendan