Living On Your Edge

Face your fears and embrace discomfort.

Many years ago I read David Deida’s book, “The Way Of The Superior Man.” If you can look past the overly poetic language and new age mysticism, there are some useful nuggets of wisdom that a man can extract from the book. The one concept that has stuck with me big time is this idea of “living on your edge” as a man. Deida describes it like this, 

“In any given moment, a man’s growth is optimized if he leans just beyond his edge, his capacity, his fear.  He should not be too lazy, happily stagnating in the zone of security and comfort.  Nor should he push far beyond his edge, stressing himself unnecessarily, unable to metabolize his experience.  He should lean just slightly beyond the edge of fear and discomfort.  Constantly.  In everything he does.” 

Living on your edge as a man is vitally important. Let’s explore the topic.

My Experience With Living On My Edge

When I look back at my life, the moments where I stepped out of my comfort zone and felt the fear and did the thing anyways were some of the most impactful moments of my life. When I joined a men’s group for the first time nearly 5 years ago, I was utterly terrified, but it changed the course of my life. Growing Masculine Revival from nothing to something was another period of time where I was completely on my edge. Starting men’s groups from scratch, offering men’s coaching and couples coaching, creating content, going on other peoples podcasts, making the jump into doing Masculine Revival full-time… All of it was edgy, all of it brought with it a level of anxiety, fear and trepidation but it was also the time I felt the most alive, inspired and on purpose in my life. Everything meaningful that I have achieved happened when I was on my edge.

Not Every Season In Life Has To Be An All Out Push

About a year ago, I decided to step back and allow myself to enjoy the fruits of my labor. Stepping into Masculine Revival was literally a dream come true. Doing this type of work was on my mind from the time I was 16 or 17 years old, so finally having broken through and making it happen was mind blowing for me. Over the last year I’ve been in a period of contentment, peace and letting myself enjoy this new found level of stability and security in my life - something I had never experienced consistently before. It was healthy and necessary for me to have that time where I wasn’t pushing, pursuing and striving, because I had spent years and years doing that prior. Now, that contentment phase is over. Honestly I think I spent a little too much time in that phase and I think I could’ve compressed it down a little bit. Lesson learned. Recently I’ve felt the two hand push from God to get back out on my edge again. What that looks like is starting a public podcast with my friend Mike Pantile, starting to go on other peoples podcasts again after only doing one public interview in the last year and a half, doing my first paid speaking gig in August, ramping up my workouts, and joining a boxing gym. 

Seeking Discomfort and Move Towards What You Fear

“Some men fear the feeling of fear and therefore don’t even approach their edge.  They choose a job they know they can do well and easily, and don’t even approach the fullest giving of their gift.  Their lives are relatively secure and comfortable, but dead.  They lack the aliveness, the depth, and the inspirational energy that is the sign of a man living at his edge.  If you are this kind of man who is hanging back, working hard perhaps, but not at your real edge, other men will not be able to trust that you can and will help them live at their edge and give their fullest gift.” ~ David Deida

So the question for you is, what is your edge and are you currently on it? The idea is to find that sweet spot where you are clearly uncomfortable, but you aren’t putting yourself so far out there that you are setting yourself up to end up retreating back to the depths of your comfort zone. You are looking for something that you can maintain consistently. Be honest with yourself. Remember, complacency and stagnation are two of the enemies of masculinity. Is it time for you to start seeking out discomfort and moving towards what you fear?

How This Concept Relates To A Man's Intimate Relationship

No woman wants to be with a man who has abandoned the idea of growth and improvement. No growth and no improvement means no intentional forward movement in life. This is the death of attraction and polarity within a marriage. Don’t get on your edge to please her or win her approval and validation. Do it because you don’t want your God given talents, abilities and potential to go to waste. Do it because you want to honor your creator by living the life that you have been given to the full. Being on your edge is where you will be most attractive to your spouse, and being on your edge means you need to have something you are pursuing and working towards which helps her to be able to relax and trust your lead. 

You are better off when you are living on your edge, and you will have a better version of yourself to share with everyone you love as a result. So delay no longer, and get back on it.